Positives and Negatives

Sunday night at Generation small group, Mackenna and Ms.Mary had us sit down and each name several things that we identify ourselves with. Some girls immediately named something positive, while others named something negative. It was kind of neat to hear how other girls perceive themselves as opposed to how I perceive them. Someone who you always thought was so confident might say that they felt “insecure.” And some of the quietest and sweetest people said that they are “annoying” or “mean.” It was really interesting. I’ve been thinking about my identity all week and how I perceive myself and how others might perceive me. It’s really tough to describe myself, because, as a teenage girl, it’s hard to equal out the positives and the negatives. But, I made it my goal to think of more positives than negatives because I beat myself down way too much. So, here’s a brief list of some of the things that I came up with (for my own future reference). Sometimes I lose sight of who I want to be, and I focus on all of my shortcomings. It was very tough to have to sit down and ponder to come up with positive things about myself, and I’m still working on it. Someday I will have the confidence that it takes to truly believe the positive things.

Negatives

-bossy

-prideful

-worrisome

-selfish

-blatantly honest (I guess that could be good or bad)

Positives

-compassionate

-determined

-optimistic

-accepting

-genuine

-intelligent

What Would Happen?

Okay, so I, being Madi, sometimes think about strange and random things. Just thought that I would share with you a little quip of what ran through my brain on my way home today.

What would happen if we let a bunch of right-brained artists paint the lines on the road? Seriously? I can’t believe I never thought about it before. They might say things like: “And here,  I am going to create a symbolic masterpiece that will show these people which direction to go in the parking lot. (But, they are going to have to study it for a while in order to find the underlying meaning)” We would have things like yellow zig-zags running down the middle of the highway. All I can say is, it’s a really good thing that we have those people who are willing to paint straight lines and just get to the point. If I were in charge of painting lines on the road, I would be too tempted to have fun with it.

Spiritual Eyes

As a seventeen year old girl, I lead a very hectic life. I’m constantly running from science team, to the barn, to play practices, to babysitting, to FreedomChurch (which is pretty much at the top of my list), and everywhere else in the world. Being this busy, it makes it very hard to spend honest, quality time with God when all that I am focused on is Him. Now I know you’re thinking to yourself, “Madi, those are just lame excuses for your laziness.” The truth is, sometimes, I do get lazy. Because of that laziness, I sometimes lose that close connection with God. It’s kind of like a dropped call. One minute, I am ” talking on the phone” having this great, intimate time with God, and the next second, I’ve got nothing. Then, when I try to call back and jump into the conversation, I am completely and utterly confused. It is at that point when I feel like I need to play “catch-up.” I will race through an important piece of Scripture without dwelling on it or asking myself what I am supposed to learn from it. BIG MISTAKE. So, I made the decision that I  am going to have to make time to dwell on God’s Holy Word…even when all I want to do is sleep.

When I began to pair this decision with action, I began praying that God would open my “Spiritual eyes.” Praying that He would reveal to me things that are more than just the “surface story.” God did more than just answer my prayer. Since I have been more diligent, He has rocked my world with some excellent Scripture that I used to just take at face value. Now I am finally seeing exactly how it plays out in my life. I can tell you that I have been a much happier person, I have felt more fulfilled, and I have had waaaay fewer” dropped calls.” I am so thankful that God understands my struggles and is willing to help me get to where I need to be. He will NEVER leave me stranded and clueless like the world will. I am so glad that there is hope beyond what this world has to offer!

Me, Sufficient?

I used to be the kind of person that felt like I had terrible faith if I had doubts or questions about God. I would feel as if I was the only one who ever questioned anything, and I always thought that something was wrong with me when I had difficulty having faith in different situations. Then I realized, that’s not true. I was enlightened by an unlikely source- The Bonus features on “The Case for Faith.” Yes, the bonus features. In these bonus features, Lynn Anderson spoke for about half an hour on faith and doubt and why doubt is sometimes a healthy part of faith. That part was good, but the end totally turned my world upside down. This is what I learned (are you ready for this?):

God says that we are good enough for Him.(Okay, so that’s not new to me, but I definitely needed a reminder) He takes us even with our doubts and questions.(Wow!) He doesn’t expect us to know the answers. In fact, no person on the face of His good earth knows all the answers. That brings so much peace and joy to my heart. It means no more wandering around wondering why I don’t know the things that I want to know. No more guilt about having lousy faith. I am not the only one with questions!  Someday I will learn the answers, but for now, I need to let my doubts and questions strengthen my faith, not beat it down as they have for so many years before. Isn’t God great?